Animal Facts
- Natural Habitat:
The arctic ocean which you are currently documenting because of it’s rapidly changing climate - What it eats:
Documentary film makers - Why is this terrifying?
Because being gently brushed to death could conceivably take hours and is therefore the worst possible way to be eaten by a shark.
Your best options when encountering this creature:
1. Friend it (NO! the Baleen Shark is a highly/bizarrely evolved death machine. Friendship is NOT an option.)
2. Swim away (Are you @$%&ing kidding me???)
3. Repeatedly experience awkward missed eye contact with this creature until the shark feels too uncomfortable to approach you.
(Success! The Baleen Shark only continues to pursue you/exist if you keep staring at/creating it. And now you can relax as you float among a bunch of baby seals who appear to be sleeping… omg they’re dead! …Why is this dream getting worse!?! )
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